Journey of the Mad Hatter and the DeiHare
by Michiko Darkkitsune
Summary: It is a simple day for Tobi, the Mad Hatter. There are tea partys to be had and many thinks to think and Dei-Hare is at his side-however, a visit from the Queen of Hearts causes him to go on a dangerous journey in the quest for a young girl...
1. A Tea Party in Wonderland

The rich , dark liquid swirled into the cup, creating a satisfying splashing as it filled, the teapot being lifted a fraction before the cup was full with enough room for it to be filled with milk without overflowing.

"Two lumps, please," a goofy voice asked politely, muffled by the bright orange mask.

A pair of silver tongs delicately picked up two cubes of sugar and dropped them into the cup. "Is that all Tobi?" a vacant man with long blonde hair and a beautiful, stitched face asked as the tea was stirred.

At first, he did not answer. Sliding his swirled mask to the left side of his face so that his scarred face was revealed, his crumpled top hat, decorated with a black and red ace card, sliding down his head a little. The cup was lifted gracefully from the saucer, stopping just before his lips. Tobi's eyes closed for a moment, as if savouring the warmth and smell.

Suddenly he slammed the cup onto the table in anger, spilling half of its contents. "Mad Dei-Hare," He shouted, rising from his seat aggressively, "You forgot the milk! Tea without milk is SO uncivilised!"

The Mad Dei-Hare took a cautious step back, a slightly worry coming into his glazed blue eyes, his long, stitched together ears twitching at the loud noises. "Sorry Tobi," He muttered without any real emotion, immediately dropping the tongs so that they clattered to the ground. Dei-Hare then rushed to the opposite end of the table to grab the milk jug like a child would in his horrid stitched hands. When the milk was poured into the tea, Tobi took a long drink from the cup and giving a little satisfied sigh as he finished. He smiled broadly, setting the cup down gently, seeming like a different person entirely. "Nothing is more enjoyable than a mid-morning drink of tea," He sighed, letting his gaze roam over the tea garden which was mostly dominated by a long table cover with a white table cloth and many numerous chairs as if he was expecting a hundred guests.

It had once held sculptures of various things, birds, buildings, people (Tobi recalled one of the Queen being placed in the corner, bearing his usual scowl) all carefully and perfectly sculpted by the Mad Dei-Hare's hands. Often, Dei-Hare would host art galleries for all of the residents of Wonderland to come and see and buy any sculpture they desired. The Mock Turtle, who Tobi had dubbed Sasori due to his hidden, venomous tail, would always visit the Mad Dei-Hare's displays and the two would end up arguing about their views on art.

Several months after a particularly bitter argument, Dei-Hare and Sasori decided to hold a competition between each other, to prove who's art is the best. It was a daring and stupid idea. They both decided to create a piece of art as a gift for the Queen of Hearts. The Mad Dei-Hare sculpted an exact replica of the Queen of Heart which would mimic the Queen's expressions and show what mood he was in; shouting at anyone to go away if the Queen was in a bad mood and casting a flirtatious glance if he was in a good mood. Mostly the former showed.

The Mock Turtle carved an entire table and banquet set, decorated with intricate patterns showing the Queen's power whilst also incorporating the residents of Wonderland hidden in the patterns as well, from the marble of the cliffs where he lived as well as several working marble puppets of carriages horses and their driver.

When they both presented their fine work to the Queen, he first turned to Dei-Hare, and asked what he had made the sculpture from. Dei-Hare told the Queen that he had sculpted it from clay that was only found deep in the Creighton Woods. It could not be smelt out by a keen nose nor seen with the eyes. Only a pair of highly sensitive ears like Dei-Hare's could find it since the clay made a soft humming noise when it was underground and again, only Dei-Hare could dig it out safely and mix it with moon owl feathers in the right way. The Queen then asked to see the clay. Proudly, Dei-Hare presented his clay bag to the Queen.

After looking over the bag, the Queen pulled out some of the clay which was a soft grey colour. Seeing this, the Dei-Hare warned the Queen of the clay's volatility, especially when mixed with moisture. With a look of interest, the Queen of Hearts eyed the clay-before he forced it into the Dei-Hare's mouth.

It promptly exploded him all over Wonderland.

In fear, Sasori fled, scared of what would happen to him if the Queen disliked his gift too (which more than likely would happen). The Mock Turtle has yet to return from his hiding place under the sea.

Following Dei-Hare's explosion, Tobi found himself growing rather bored and restless, Even his imaginary friends provided little entertainment at tea parties as they never enjoyed the tea he served! The Dormouse was as useless as a wet tea bag at tea parties too. She always hid away in her tea pot, preferring to watch everything with her special eyes that could see through any substance, only leaving her little sanctuary to run errands for Tobi or to gather information.

It was only when she returned one day with news about the Queen wanting to evict him from the garden that he decided to find the pieces of Dei-Hare. If he got Dei-Hare back together, the law said he could remain in the garden.

So, Tobi took the Dormouse with him on a journey to find the pieces of Dei-Hare.

With some help from the Hungry Caterpillar (money-hungry, that is), Tobi was able to sew the Mad Dei-Hare back together. So long as Tobi paid good money from using the Caterpillar's special black silk. After bartering over a price, they agreed upon a thousand Grimms. The Hungry Caterpillar 'forgot' to mention to Tobi that there was another two hundred Grimms on top of that for his services.

Now Dei-Hare is back to his old self (well, almost) and is noticeably more agreeable and content to take part in Tobi's tea parties. Perhaps it is something to do with his vacant expression-they never did find his fagiggly gland after all.

Abesently, Tobi took another drink of his tea, lost in his own memories. Dei-Hare was now sat down on a chair opposite to him, staring blankly at how the tea in his cup reflected his image yet distorted it at the same time. A nervous rattle of the tea pot lid brought Tobi back to the present. "M-M-Mat Hatter, S-Sir," came the quiet, scared voice of the Dormouse.

"Oh, what have you seen, Hinata?" Tobi asked, swirling the remaining dregs around his cup.

"Th-Th-The Queen of H-Hearts is coming," Hinata squeaked in fright at the name alone and immediately went back to cower in her tea pot.

Tobi immediately leapt up as if he'd been given an electric shock and moved his mask back to its usual place, shouting at the Mad Dei-Hare to tidy the pots away and get out the best china for when the Queen arrived.

As he rushed around, not even focusing on any task in particular, Tobi suddenly stopped at a chair.

"And Silly don't just sit there and not drink your tea," he rounded on the empty chair where a third cup had been placed, "If you keep making me waste tea I'll not invite you or your big black dog anymore!"


	2. An audience with the Queen of Hearts

Loud abrupt fanfare sounded a few metres away beyond the Dei-Hare's garden gate, causing Tobi to fidget nervously. Although he didn't admit it, he hated being the host to the Queen, especially after what he did to the Dei-Hare. His eyes glazed as he remembered that terrible moment. One second he was content, visiting the Queen with his friend (well, in Tobi's opinion they were best friends); the next his friend had exploded and Tobi was left alone again. It was this even that caused him to become very angry and a little more unusual which made him seem to fit his title even more.  
A loud annoying voice broke through Tobi's thoughts. "Master Mad Hatter," It declared almost shouting, "I pray for you to bow now as you will be blessed with the presence of the Queen of Hearts!"

Tobi blinked. He knew that voice.

"Naruto?" Tobi asked incredulously, staring at the boy's whiskered face which was mostly hidden by a large white rabbit suit.

"Stupid imposter..." muttered Dei-Hare.

"Shut up, Hare Brain," Naruto retorted before pushing back the hood of his suit with a furry-gloved hand to reveal spikey blonde hair, "Hello Mad Hatter."

Tobi stared for a few seconds. He could not believe that this was the very boy who helped him out of the Creighton Woods when he found himself lost. "I-What is the Prince of the Woods doing dressed as a bunny?" He emphasised the 'bunny' part.

Naruto looked sheepish and reluctant to explain. An embarrassed blush came to his cheeks as he lowered his gaze to stare at the ground, bringing his hands together slightly, as he tried to avoid to make eye contact but mumbled inaudibly. "Speak up, I can't hear you!" cried Tobi, placing a hand to his ear and leaning closer to listen.

Suddenly, Naruto stopped his mumbling and looked Tobi straight in the eye with an air of hurt pride. "Why should you need to know?" He asked angrily.

Tobi straightened up and rubbed his ear, having had it just shouted in, and shrugged, "Merely trying to make conversation boy. What happened to the other rabbit?"

"The Queen of Hearts turned him into a scarecrow." Naruto answered simply.

"He kept being late." He added before Tobi could ask his next question.

The sound of marching ended their conversation. Naruto quickly replaced his hood and Tobi was over by the gate, opening it, in a flash. "Dei-Hare, get the Queen's chair and cup and his favourite biscuits ready!" He instructed, flapping his hands urgently.

Out of his pocket, he pulled out a thick nibbed black felt tip and drew a wobbly smile on his mask.  
Naruto hopped over to the gate, standing opposite to Tobi he pulled out a decorated scroll and read loudly, "Loyal subjects, I present to you the Queen of Hearts!"

Cards lined the path leading to the gate, serious looks upon all of their faces as the Queen began to walk between them. The Queen was a slim man wearing a dress made of the finest black silk spun by the hungry caterpillar, its sleeves reached down to his elbows showing off his smooth pale arms and the skirt of the dress was decorated with red hearts which covered his feet. Today the Queen's hair was not tied back like usual, but was allowed to hang freely around his shoulders and across his face which gave the Queen a more dominating appearance.  
In the Queen's right hand was a golden rod topped by a ruby heart. This was merely a symbol of royalty although Tobi guessed that it could be used to hit someone with.

"Welcome your Majesty," The Mad Hatter exclaimed, bowing down elaborately, "What brings you to our humble tea party-is it your un-birthday?"

He clapped his hand with excitement at this thought.

"I have no time for your idiotic parties," the Queen spoke with annoyance at Tobi's childish demeanour, raising his head to look at him, the raven hair falling into place around his face.  
Tobi shuddered a little as their gazes met. The Queen's eyes brought a whole new meaning to the phrase "If looks could kill" because they literally could. Those cold, red eyes came from an ancient and powerful bloodline who's very beginning is shrouded with mystery.   
If one held the Queen's gaze for too long, you could suddenly be transported to another dimension. Or set on fire for seven days and seven nights. But the worst punishment is when the Queen was in an incredibly vindictive moos and he took hold of your mind to trap you in his nightmare realm for three days!

Not many came out of it sane.

However, Tobi was never given a punishment like these. Well, he was a good boy and never angered the Queen. Yet he also guessed the he, too, had once had two of those eyes.  
"So what brings you here my Queen?" Tobi asked in a slightly less happy tone.

"Business," replied the Queen in a matter-of-fact way, sitting down in his chair, "Now be seated"-He gestured to a small stool next to him-"We need to talk...and wipe that stupid smile off of your face!"

After rummaging around in his apparently very deep pocket, the Mad Hatter pulled out a large, bright polka dot cloth and rubbed the drawing off of his mask. He then plonked himself on the seat next to the Queen. "Can I offer you some tea, your Highness?" Tobi asked, lifting the tea pot expectantly.

"Just half a cup," The Queen nodded.

Producing a knife from the same pocket, Tobi cut the Queen's cup in half and poured in the tea, which stilled filled the cup despite the missing side. "I see that you have managed to successfully put the Dei-Hare back together," The Queen said conversationally, motioning his cup to the Dei-Hare who had scuttled to the far corner of the garden away from the Queen. A foggy fear showing in his eyes, "A little bird told me you were working on him."

"Ah yes," Tobi said happily, tapping his cup but not pouring any tea for himself, "I managed to find most of him and the hungry caterpillar helped me to sew him back together. There's still a mystery of where his fagiggly gland landed though..."

He made a little noise as he thought where it could have gone, remembering that fagiggly glands were irritating little things that changed their shape when outside of the body, until the Queen interrupted him.  
"Onto the business," the Queen clapped his hands twice and a small albino ferret suddenly streaked through the garden. It leapt upon the table and bowed to the Queen, presenting the scroll tied to it's back to him.

"Thank you Cinderella," He smiled and scratched the ferret between the ears who licked and nibbled his fingers in return.  
Stretching the scroll across the table, the Queen rose slightly from his seat and frowned as he read the information. The ferret quickly scampered up his arm and settled around his shoulders, eyeing the Dei-Hare with something near to a smirk. Tobi mimicked the Queen's frown beneath his mask and leaned to look, not being able to make sense of what had been written.  
"What do the squiggles say?" He asked curiously, tilting his head the same way a puppy would.

The Queen gave a slight glance of annoyance as he rolled the scroll up and tied the string tight. Again with the childish behaviour. Then again, how could he expect anyone with the mentality of a six year old to be able to know anything more an actual child would? "It said that there has been reports of a young girl in Wonderland, " The Queen spoke with forced calmness, "Who is causing great distress and trouble everywhere she goes. It is beginning to get very irritating and troublesome.'

'No, I would send my guards to apprehend this little witch, but only have enough guards spare to actually guard me since we are trying to win the war at our southern border with the Coelho's my choices are very limited and I am having to resort to desperate measures for keeping order in my lands."

Tobi blinked stupidly. "What do you want To-The Mad Hatter to do?" He asked, almost speaking his name.

"I don't want you to do anything unless you plan on serving her with tea and biscuits!", snapped the Queen.  
Tobi flinched.

"I was rather hoping that the Dei-Hare would be able to offer some assistance with his skills," sighed the Queen causing the Dei-Hare to narrow his eyes and twitch his ears suspiciously as his name was mentioned, "I want this girl to be annihilated. Killed. Especially since I have had reports of her being in the company of the Cheshire Cat-a spy.'

'But since he is unable of any intelligent thought, this option is no longer useful...I shall just have to get someone from the prisons to do it instead. I know that many would die for a chance of buying their freedom. Bill the Lizard might be a good choice, I know that recently he was trying to use his silver tongue to talk his way out of prison and he truly aches to return to his projects in his labs..."

Tobi shook his head fiercely, slamming his hands on the table. "Not Bill the Lizard! He may try to eat the Dei-Hare again!" He cried thinking back to a particularly nasty incident that happened not long before the Dei-Hare was exploded.

"And you can't forget what he tried to do to your majesty." He added.

Behind his half cup, the Queen smirked. He'd hoped for this reaction from the Mad Hatter. It was true that the notorious Bill the Lizard had tried to attack the Queen, to take over his body. Rather oddly, it was the Mad Hatter who managed to stop the pale, black haired Lizard. The matter of how he got in and what the Mad Hatter was doing the in the castle at that time still needed to be investigated.

"So what do you suggest Mad Hatter?" The Queen asked, setting down his cup.

"Mad Hatter will help Dei-Hare!" Tobi cried.

The Queen raised an eyebrow. "You?" replied the Queen in disbelief, "Why should I send you when you lack any particular skill apart from pouring tea?"

"Because-because-because," Tobi stumbled like an over-excited child, "Because Mad Hatter is a good boy!"

His words seemed to resound horribly around the garden, despite the enthusiasm. The Queen remained where he where was, staring at Tobi white faced with his knuckles clenched, an angry look in his red eyes. The Mad Hatter sensed the sudden change in atmosphere and lowered himself onto his seat. He stared at his empty cup as he tried to avoid the Queen's gaze.  
Slowly the Queen rose and left the table with forced calmness. Those words the Mad Hatter had just spoke resembling the one's his beloved King would have spoken. A pain of absence ached his heart.  
As he got to the garden gate, the Queen paused suddenly. Naruto expected a sudden explosion of anger from the Queen and took a nervous step back. However, what happened was quite the opposite.  
"Very well," The Queen spoke, not facing back to the table, head raised in a dignified manner, "You may go with the Mad Dei-Hare to look for the girl.'

'Her appearance is a scrawny under developed pale girl with short black hair that appears to be styled into spikes. The attire she is wearing is a light blue dress that reaches down to her knees and it is edged with white lace. The girl may be wearing heeled black shoes, although recently she seems to have discarded them, preferring to travel bare foot. If you see a girl matching this description do not hesitate to kill her. Or the Cheshire Cat. If you aid the Dei-Hare in using his abilities, you should be able to complete this task."

"Shouldn't Mad Hatter try to find Dei-Hare's fagiggly gland?" Tobi asked uncertainly.

After a pause, the Queen answered, "That is not important. If you find it, do not hesitate to tell me."

Then the Queen's voice changed as he told the Mad Hatter his orders. "You will set out tomorrow and head for the Creighton Woods to find some more clay for the Dei-Hare to use, I'm sure that he still has Moon Owl feathers to spare and the knowledge to mix them correctly. Something that important would never be forgotten by him."-Naruto's ears perked up at the mention of the Woods-" Then try to gather information about the girl's whereabouts from the creatures and people in the woods, she won't have gone unnoticed. Oh, and beware of the Mome Raths-they got loose from one of Bill the Lizard's labs and have spread like wildfire. Apparently they're fast breeders. "

Tobi imagined a horrid smile creeping onto the Queen's face at the last little piece of information.  
"And stop referring to yourself in third person," He added with a touch of irritance.

With that the Queen left, leaving Tobi, Dei-Hare and Naruto looking perplexed.  
"Wasn't Mad Hatter supposed to be attacked then?" Tobi asked Naruto in confusion, pointing after the Queen and instantly forgetting what he had just said about Tobi referring to himself in third person.

Naruto shrugged and the left too, hopping after the Queen with difficulty.

"Scary lady..." mumbled Dei-Hare, still in the far corner.


End file.
